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The Point System Can Help You Determine How Much Trouble You Want To Be In

Bachelor Party Tips

In order to keep track of how much trouble you will get into, we have created a point system. You can use this system to determine how far you should go. It might be a good idea to try to set a limit for yourself before the party. I'm not sure if you want to discuss this with your future spouse beforehand, however you should probably be able to estimate how many points you will be allowed on your own.

Suggested Point Limits: Here is a table that tries to point to recommended point levels:
Grooms
Brides

You are a sissy, your friends will be pissed and will never call you.
3
1

Not a bad compromise, but you need to live a little
15
5

Good job, not a wuss, not an ass.
25
10

Eventually, there may be a fight over this.
30
15

The fight will happen after the honeymoon.
35
25

The fight will happen on the honeymoon.
45
30

The fight will happen before the wedding.
50
35

What fucking wedding?

50+
40+

I'm sure you've noted the disparity between what Brides and what Grooms are allowed to do. This is because men invented bachelor parties so we get to keep them. Consider it a trade for the fact that you get a couch in the ladies room and free tampons once in a while in public and corporate restrooms.

Here are the tempations you will face and how many points they will cost you (remember they are cumulative so you have to add them up):

Attending your party
1 point

Drinking at your party
1 point

Getting Drunk at your party
1 point

Coming home drunk from party
1 point (additional)

Going to your future spouses house drunk after your party
3 points

Calling your future spouse "Diamond" when you arrive home
25 points

Eating healthy foods at your party
-1 point

Watching porno movies
1 points

Yelling "hey that's my fiance" at the porno movie
2 points

It is your fiance in the porno movie
10 points

Getting a tattoo during the festivities
5 points

The tattoo doesn't have your fiance's name in it
10 points

The tattoo has a strippers name in it
55 points

Go to a strip joint
5 points

Have a stripper come to you
10 points

Strip joint isn't topless or doesn't serve alcohol.
Lose 5 points, write to your congressman

Strip joint is all-nude
1 point, invite your congressman.

Your congressman attends the party
0 points, buy him a drink.

You are the congressman
5 points (sorry Ted)

Putting singles in g-strings
1 point for every $10

Lap dance
5 points each for topless, 10 points for all nude (but aint it worth the extra five points).

Get in the "on stage shower" with strippers
22 points

See a lesbian show
10 points

see a barnyard animal show
20 points

Get arroused by barnyard animal show
50 points, see a psychiatrist before marriage.

Pay for sex (at the hand of a prostitute)
30 points

Pay for sex (oral)
40 points (It was a man you know, they say all the good ones are...)

Pay for sex (intercourse)
70 points

Pay for sex (beyond intercourse)
100 points you filthy bastard.

Bring home the clap or other STD
1,000 points

Bring home the prostitute
1,000,000 points

I hope that explains it well enough. Stay out of trouble or I'll see you on Jerry Springer.